I'm writing this as part of an end to an era, the last year of my service in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. In that year more has happened than I could ever describe in words. I've been changed, as a person and I wonder if I could have ever imagined years ago that I would end up here. This moment, sitting in seat 3A on Southwest flight number 2209 service from Phoenix to Chicago. This moment, feeling an entire year of my life shift over to uncharted territory. This life, now a 'former' Jesuit Volunteer, a title that I will retain and represent for the rest of my life. This sounds all mushy and all, but in all seriousness, I owe a lot to my past year of service. While I was back in my Woodinville home, my mom had come upon a project which I had done many years back. Around the 7th or 8th grade, I was given the task (along with my classmates of course) to visualize on paper the rest of our lives, up into our 60's. We were to list all the milestones we hoped to achieve, goals we expected to accomplish, little boxes we were able to check off from the bucket list. I'll have to be the first to say, my project which despite receiving perfect marks for organization, effort, and quality of work is hopelessly boring. Yes, boring. My goals, for example, were to: at the age of 25, be married; at the age of 27, have bought my first 'new car;' at the age of 28, have had travelled to New Zealand….so on and so on. I was first impressed with just how many things I had come up with that I had set to do, however keeping some of them in mind, forgotten about the majority. However, I wonder what would have happened if I had stuck to that oh-so-concise list. For one, I wouldn't have graduated and volunteered for a year. That did not fit with the grand plan. By the end of college, I was supposed to know WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE, and have gone out and gotten a 'real' job. I wouldn't have gone to Santa Clara, being that one of my goals was to graduate from a Pac-10 school. I wouldn't have done many things which I can say today that I have done. It is these things which are now part of how I define myself and how I see who I have become.
What I took from this moment wasn't all of the ways that I didn't live up to what my 13 year old self wanted for his 23 year old self. No, I came once again to affirm that life is unscripted. Looking back on my goals, I realized I'd be what any kid wants to be, what they've been taught to aspire to. As a kid you grow up wanting to emulate what you've already seen, and when you get older, it is a difficult and sometimes painful process to realize that some of those things you've been taught to believe, are not meant to be. I was not meant to have a family and kids by the age of 25, as much as I would have wanted that to be true 12 years earlier. And while this process is hard, its something that I think we all do. We all have to come to find ourselves, and come to terms that our lives can not be defined, they cannot be perfect, they are gritty, messy, fun, full of mistakes, successes, and are beautiful. Yes, beautiful. As one of my housemates posted so wisely all about her room, it begs the question,
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do. With your one wild and precious life?"
Now where is this blog going to go you may ask. Well, I think it is due for a title change. No, I'm keeping the main name, Some Answers, More Questions, but I'm now a former JV, current med student. The blog will stay alive, stay tuned kids, there's more to come.
